Are the new ways better?
A well-known speaker started off his seminar holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?” Hands started going up. He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.” He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, “Who still wants it…?” Still the hands were up in the air. “Well,” he replied, “What if I do this?” And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. “Now, who still wants it?” Still the hands went into the air. “My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We may feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by who you are. You are special-Don’t EVER forget it.” If you do not pass this on, you may never know the lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to, or the hope that it may bring. Count your blessings, not your problems.
Practice Active Listening
Our value is intrinsic, inherent in who we are and because of who made us. Like the $20 bill, our value is inherent in us because of the reserve it represents. We are human BEINGs, and as such our value is because of who we are, not our doings or sayings. You have value, and you have a unique place that no one else can fill. Your life will touch people that no one else can touch. You have special, unique gifts and talents that only you have, Discover what they are and your unique place and you and those around you will benefit from your discovery and will be fuller as a result.
Positive Motivators
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, The Contemplative Counselor; Fortress Press, 2011, p 64
- New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. (1995). (Jn 16:13). La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.
- Ibid, Psalm 46:10
- Nolasko, Rolph R. jr; The Contemplative Counselor; Fortress Press, 2011; p 61
- Ibid
- LifeCrafters Coaching & Support Services LLC
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- david.hooker@lccoach.org
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Speaking with clarity and honesty creates space for understanding and meaningful connection.
Author, David Hooker
Timing matters. Important conversations are most productive when both partners are calm, available, and emotionally regulated. Avoid raising sensitive topics during moments of stress or exhaustion. Creating intentional space for conversations allows both partners to engage thoughtfully and respectfully.
Handle Conflict Constructively
Disagreements are normal in any relationship. Focus on addressing the issue rather than criticizing your partner. Stay curious about their perspective, take responsibility for your part, and avoid absolutes like “always” or “never.” Working as a team toward solutions strengthens resilience and mutual respect.
Show Appreciation and Affection
Positive communication isn’t just about resolving problems—it’s also about reinforcing connection. Regularly expressing gratitude, affection, and acknowledgment helps your partner feel valued. Small gestures of appreciation can soften difficult conversations and create a more supportive emotional climate.
Bringing It All Together
Improving communication takes time, patience, and practice from both partners. By listening with intention, speaking honestly, choosing the right moments, managing conflict thoughtfully, and showing appreciation, you create a stronger foundation for connection. Small, consistent changes in how you communicate can lead to deeper understanding, greater emotional safety, and a more fulfilling relationship.
